Black males for dating

White women range from those so intrigued by black men that it veers into fetish to those so reluctant to date black men that it feels more racist than preference-driven. Most people have it wrong. The concept of a black man in a relationship with a white woman is a "thing" that people have an opinion on, and that opinion comes with an entire set of stereotypes, fueled by racist ideology, a complicated past, and sometimes even pop culture. Kanye West once rapped about how successful black men will "leave your ass for a white girl," and then put himself into that box by marrying a white woman, furthering the pervasiveness of flawed, generic ideas about interracial relationships.

That swath of generic ideas has an actual impact on culture and society, too. Twenty-two-year-old virgin psychopath Elliot Rodger just killed six people in California and left behind a paper trial of racially charged sentiments like, "How could an inferior, ugly black boy be able to get a white girl and not me? Part of the reason why black people celebrated the O. It was cold, hard, classic revenge. I was taught the story of Emmett Till by my mother at a young age. A racist jury acquitted his murderers, Roy Bryant and J.

Milam, despite overwhelming evidence, and, to rub salt in the wound, both admitted to killing Till in Look magazine the next year. The shoe was on the other foot for once and so be it if two white people wound up dead. And I was only six years old when the O. Even then, I understood that it was racial, but there was a disconnection from my personal reality. Nothing about my worldview was sexualized yet. For whatever implications the trial had, that shit also had nothing to do with me.

The idea was always to live my life however I wanted to live it. There was no rationalization. I grew up how I grew up. I never consciously set out to date white women. My attraction to them was likely a natural response to my environment.

The year after the O. Before I was even 10, I started having crushes on girls, trying to get my first kiss, and all of that. All I saw around me were white girls. Other people think about that, though. By middle school, and especially high school, those expectations were even more apparent.

I started to see what it really meant to be in an interracial relationship. Sometimes white girls hid me from their family, especially their father. I had one girlfriend in high school who strictly forbade doorbell ringing. She was not going to go through the trouble of calling attention to the fact that she was going out with a black guy.

To me, it was simple. The girls who showed me the most attention at school were white. The world made it complicated and assumed I had an ulterior motive, and it sucks, but I understand why. There are self-hating black men who date white women for contrived and pathetic reasons and I hate them. It is deliberate for them. Shit is crazy out here. I totally get where black women are coming from, too.

The reason why I do anything is because I want to. I view it as an opportunity to educate and eradicate even a small amount of ignorance. And I do play basketball. What does that even mean? Personality is always decisive, but we know that physical attraction is important. Rihanna is hot and so is Blake Lively. Sue me for not allowing my race to limit what I find attractive.

Maybe knowing how much a diverse range of attraction upsets people is part of the appeal of interracial dating. No matter how much more commonplace relationships between black men and white women become, the historical context always gives them a rebellious, taboo component that, honestly, kind of adds to the fun and excitement.

As a black man, it invalidates the authenticity of any relationships I have with white women. That said, I understand where the ideal comes from. Whites are privileged in this society and having what they have serves as validation for a lot of people.

You can be completely forthright and fair about whom you date but society will force you to consider these extra circumstances. I fall in love indiscriminately, but third parties will never let it be that simple for me. Black men who are confused and self-hating muddle this further, and even more so if they have biracial children who turn out to be the same way.

The same goes for the opposite side of the spectrum. That comes with the territory. But you still get looks. You still get questions. Ernest Baker is a writer living in New York. Follow him on Twitter here.


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Total 2 comments.
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